Fangirls Unite

The International Movie Database, http://www.imdb.com/, describes Crispin Freeman as "a genuinely nice and humble person." He's also the person I used to joke of as the love of my life, but that's more so because I still maintain he has the single sexiest voice in all of existence.

But I'm getting off topic already.

From meeting him in person, I am pleased to announce that I have verified this statement about him. Now I shall put up a shield around myself before the fan girls come and tear me to pieces for what I'm about to say.

I'm perhaps one of the worse kinds of anime fans--a cosplayer. I dress up for conventions like the characters, down to every last detail. My cosplays include Celes Chere (FFVI), Chris Lightfellow (Suikoden III), female Holy uniform (Scryed), Tifa Lockhart (FFVII). There's a list I've created of "dream" cosplays that I hope to do, some that I haven't because I don't think I'm thin enough, and some because I don't have enough sewing skill to tackle them. But yes, for one day, I commit one of the most atrocious acts of in the world of dorks and geeks--I dress up as a character, act like them, talk like them, etc., and live for twenty-four hours, elated in an entirely fictional mindset while I stroll around downtown San Diego.

San Diego Comic-Con of 2004, Chris and I almost didn't get to go. We were preparing to drive across the country to Michigan, and it seems ever since I graduated high school, money's gotten tighter every year. We had managed to scrap up enough cash, so we figured we'd better go because there was no telling when we'd be able to go again.

When I go to Comic-Con, I don't typically bother going to panels or discussion boards. I prefer to get lost in the exhibition hall and gaze upon what delicious treasures are for sale. It's paid off. I've gotten almost everything on my Xenogears Wish List from shopping here. Still, I decided a few weeks before the convention to look up and just make certain there would be no panels worth my while, when I saw the voice acting workshop listed to be run by Crispin Freeman on the day Chris and I were going. I grabbed my Xenosaga Ep. I art book and sat in on a workshop that didn't really suit my interests. I first took a seat intent on drifting off and just listening to his voice for an hour, or however long it was to last, but I've always had a hard time shutting my brain off. A good trait, I suppose :P The stories he told me about voice acting, the way that they get recordings, the preliminary reviews of the script (which didn't sound like much of anything), and everything made me realize just how truly dedicated and in love with your work you have to be to be able to keep up with a job that demanding.

Not very different, I would say, from all of us striving writers who face hardships all the time in getting published or getting respected in the local community.

After the workshop, he stood outside the panel room to sign autographs and take pictures. I dashed as quickly as I could through the door to be out there, waiting for him, but even still with a pen and my artbook held out, open to the page of Albedo, girls kept throwing themselves in front of me to get signatures and pictures from him. We could tell from his eyes that he genuinely wanted to be polite and work with everyone, but there were other people calling out to him, trying to get him to move along. My heart started to sink. I was going to miss my one chance to ever get to talk to him, even if it would be just a fleeting second or two.

I felt a pair of strong arms push me suddenly through the girls that kept blocking my path. It was the familiar grip of Chris's hands on my shoulder, making sure I didn't leave the panel disappointed. When I finally looked up at him, I held out my book and smiled, but my voice locked up for a second. The words were sitting there, just on the edge of my tongue, but I just couldn't make them come out. Finally, I swallowed, smiled, and in a calm and collected manner, I asked him, "Could you please sign this?"

He looked at my picture of Albedo and exclaimed, "This guy is BEAUTIFUL!" He proceeded to tell me that he didn't realize what a fan crowd had amassed behind Xenosaga and what a big deal the game was going to be, but seemed very excited about the role, or so I would assume because he signed it "To Xenochick - Ma peche". And then he said it, in the voice that I still maintain is the sexiest voice in the entire world, to me, "Ma peche". For those of you who can't translate, he called me his peach ^^

I was breathless, to say the least. He handed the art book back to me, and as soon as his hands were free, we posed for a quick picture, and then he had to run. Good thing Chris pushed me up there, because that really was the last chance.

I always have a round about way of reaching the purpose of my post, and I applaud those of you who have had the patience to follow me thus far, but getting around to it, it really made me start to think a lot about reality and dreams, and where the clear distinction truly lies.

There's opportunities thrown at us daily. A lot of them seem impossible, or a lot of them may require you to do something you don't always feel might be in your best interest, but trust me, there's a reason and a solution to everything that we face.

Michie and I were on the phone late into the night last night, discussing this and how it applies to everything in our lives. Boyfriends, work, school, and especially with our creative endeavors. Mostly, I think it's important even if all odds are against you to believe in something. If you don't have hope, or something exciting to look forward to with the coming day, what in blazes will ever get you out of bed?

A lot of my posts have been bitter lately, mostly because I've been under this mental haze of "why is this happening to me" and "what did I ever do to deserve this". When you think about it, it's not so much that things happen to us to deserve us. Life comes at us, and we're given a set of options on how to react. I have seen the truly powerful face the most trifling of adversities and tell me afterwards, "Crystal, it's just a chance for me to put my faith in God's hands."

And that's it. They walk away smiling, content that around the bend, something else is to come.

Fantasies are an important, mentally healthy part of life. I truly feel sorry for people who don't have much imagination and hope to get through their day, the ones who come home and slam their doors, the ones who feel like it's never going to get any better and wonder if there's a quick way out of their troubles. Fantasies, hope, and faith are what I think separates me, and a good deal of the people I described above, from that kind of destructive mindset. I don't mean to say that I think faith is fictional--it is very real. Hope is very real. And it's by having fantasies or goals about the future that hope stays alive, because if you want something *that* badly, you'll do what you feel is necessary and worth it to get it.

As much as I hate being rude, I'm glad Chris pushed me in front of all those girls. My ultimate fan girl fantasy has come and gone, but this just gives me more time to sit and daydream on what it will be like when I can finally get something published beyond a short fiction story in a scarcely known journal.